Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Welcome to my Pity Party

Warning: Today I am going to rant, after all a blog can have multiple purposes. No promises of wisdom or reflection.

Today really whomped.

Definition of whomp: To stink. To have something miserable happen. To have bad luck.
A general feeling of suckiness.
I am 30 years old, and what does the doctor tell me? I have Rheumatoid arthritis.

How do I feel? Well, I am sad, mad, confused, nervous, and wary. Well, you name it and I think it pretty much fits into my day.

So, I have been having pain and numbness and, for the amount of time I am on the computer, I just figured it was carpel tunnel syndrome. Well, I was wrong and now I have a little black rain cloud over my head.

Yes, maybe I am feeling a little sorry for myself. Yes, I cried today. No, there aren’t a whole heck of a lot of words to comfort me. (My pastor did however comfort me when he gave me the Anointing of the Sick today.) Is that okay? Yes, I think it is, because that is where I am at the moment.

What upset me most of all? The vision of older people bent in pain, suffering from years of arthritis. It upsets me that having more children could make it worse. It bothers me that the same medicine used to treat me could also cause serious repercussions.

My pastor told me a story about an elderly woman who suffers from the same problem and she is so joyful and wants to help others all the time. I say, God Bless her. I am not there yet. Maybe I need to be joyful in the suffering the Lord has given me. Maybe I should just focus on the positive. Or maybe, maybe I just need to deal with the reality of what this is right now. It is a disease I don’t understand.

I pray that God gives me the strength to be joyful in the future. Right now I am not even sure what to focus on. I am just a little too overwhelmed.


Anonymous said...

I know this is an enormous cross for you to bear, especially as a young mother. However, if you continue to be the joyous, optimistic women that I know you to be, then you will "get there" before you know it. Of course you are angry and confused. Who wouldn't be? All you can do is continue to be the wonderful sister, mother, wife, daughter and friend that you have always been. Also, all of these types of diseases have different degrees of severity. So hopefully it won't put more of a dent in your life than it already has.
I love you, and you'll bounce back quicker than you think.
Good Luck and God Bless you my Sister!

Catholic Mom said...

And people wonder why I love having sisters? How about love and unconditional support?!
Thank you Bean.

Tony said...

I felt the same way when the MD told me 3 years ago that I had "borderline hypertension" and would have to take medication the rest of my life. Then the same MD told me that sometimes the medication causes a spike in your triglycerides, and if it spiked, he'd have to put me on cholesterol medication. So I asked him: "So you're telling me you giving me medication for the side effects of the medication you put me on?" He said: "Yes". I got a new MD.

I recently heard that supplimenting with glucosamine/condroitin can help your joints regenerate the connective tissue and lubricants in your joints. You might want to look into something like that.

Protestant Mom said...

Lynn, I am so sorry to hear about this. Too much pain, too much suffering. I'll come right in and party with you. I have been reading the book of Job this summer. What a conversation. I think you would like it and it will be helpful to you at some point. I will pray for you. I will pray that God will accomplish a great work in you while you live through this struggle. I pray that God would be gracious to you and merciful to you in many small ways and in many big ways. I pray that you will see His hand in your life many times over, and know His great love for you and your husband and your children. I pray that you will know the joy of following His ways when times are difficult and things don't make sense. I pray that you will know the peace of God through the Spirit. I pray that you will trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and that in all ways you will acknowledge Him. (Prov. 3:5,6). I ask this for myself as well. Amen.

Crystal said...

tony is right about the glucosamine, and also fish oil is supposed to be utterly fantastic for RA sufferers.

My husband has MS and his favorite thing to say is "It may beat me eventually, but it won't defeat me."