Today really whomped.
Definition of whomp: To stink. To have something miserable happen. To have bad luck.I am 30 years old, and what does the doctor tell me? I have Rheumatoid arthritis.
A general feeling of suckiness.
How do I feel? Well, I am sad, mad, confused, nervous, and wary. Well, you name it and I think it pretty much fits into my day.
So, I have been having pain and numbness and, for the amount of time I am on the computer, I just figured it was carpel tunnel syndrome. Well, I was wrong and now I have a little black rain cloud over my head.
Yes, maybe I am feeling a little sorry for myself. Yes, I cried today. No, there aren’t a whole heck of a lot of words to comfort me. (My pastor did however comfort me when he gave me the Anointing of the Sick today.) Is that okay? Yes, I think it is, because that is where I am at the moment.
What upset me most of all? The vision of older people bent in pain, suffering from years of arthritis. It upsets me that having more children could make it worse. It bothers me that the same medicine used to treat me could also cause serious repercussions.
My pastor told me a story about an elderly woman who suffers from the same problem and she is so joyful and wants to help others all the time. I say, God Bless her. I am not there yet. Maybe I need to be joyful in the suffering the Lord has given me. Maybe I should just focus on the positive. Or maybe, maybe I just need to deal with the reality of what this is right now. It is a disease I don’t understand.
I pray that God gives me the strength to be joyful in the future. Right now I am not even sure what to focus on. I am just a little too overwhelmed.